reality check

New love can get cocky. You feel like you are on top of the world, everything is perfect, nothing could possibly go wrong. This feeling is enhanced when you are an adult and you have complete control over your free time and how and with whom you spend it. It's so easy to slip into an everyday normalcy and feel smug about how simple it was-- isn't that how it is supposed to be? You almost think to yourself, wow, if I could just have 10 minutes alone I'd be 100% back into this love bubble I've stumbled (or run head first) into. But of course you don't really mean it. 2 minutes in the bathroom is enough recharge time.

And then, the holidays hit. I am one who loves the holidays, but considering that I live 5 hours away from my family, going to visit them is a commitment. One that I've made for about 2 weeks straight. 72 hours after being away from the cozy little cocoon we created together I might as well be a recovering addict. I feel twitchy, off, and a tiny bit heartsick.

Nothing like distance in love to remind me of my own humanity and the fact that I am not invincible.

copperline

James Taylor just has a way of soothing the soul. Ever since I've moved to NC I've developed an even deeper fondness for Carolina In My Mind. Another lovely song about the tar heel state is Copperline. Enjoy!

begin again

I've been really into the idea of rebirth lately. I feel like my life has just undergone another unexpected turn (when will I stop thinking I can predict and plan for everything?) But this is a really good unexpected turn. The kind you hope for as a little girl. The kind I had rationalized myself out of believing could happen. And now that it is happening, it is that much more surprisingly wonderful. Check out Taylor Swift's new song, Begin Again. Couldn't have said it any better.

hmm

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? -- Celeste and Jesse Forever 

strong

And in the darkest of winters, remember that you will find your invincible summer. 

confusion

Have you ever wanted 2 very different things at the same time? What is it about decisions sometimes that is so hard? Is it that we are at a constant push and pull of what we think we want and what we need? Or balancing the promise of security with the thrill of adventure? How can we ever know what is best without looking into a crystal ball?

People often say to follow your heart. I'm a head thinker, but often it makes it difficult when it comes to matters of the heart. I want lists and pros and cons. I want to consider every possible option and angle. I want to imagine exactly what I might be giving up or gaining when it comes to decisions in my life. Right now I feel like I am standing at the top of the waterfall. The option of jumping makes me tingle all over but who knows what is at the bottom? Is it warm and welcoming and like paradise, or could I end up breaking a leg or scraping a knee to add to my collection of scars? I could also just safely back off the edge, hike back down the mountain and climb into my tent and sleeping bag and probably be no worse or better off. But will I have lived?

I'm glad that I'm an expert orderer when it comes to eating out. I see a menu, know exactly what will satisfy me at that moment and I get it. Thank goodness I don't suffer from indecision in everything in my life-- it would be paralyzing.

Chapel Thrill

I've said it once and I'll say it again. Going to grad school was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Chapel Hill is an amazing and magical place. I can't believe how many wonderful people I continue to meet and bring into my friend circle here, which makes each day sweeter and sweeter.

Tonight I am going to Late Night with Roy to kick off basketball season here in Carolina. It's supposed to be a fun event with the basketball team doing skits and coach Roy Williams pumping up the fans for the season ahead. GO HEELS!