begin again

I've been really into the idea of rebirth lately. I feel like my life has just undergone another unexpected turn (when will I stop thinking I can predict and plan for everything?) But this is a really good unexpected turn. The kind you hope for as a little girl. The kind I had rationalized myself out of believing could happen. And now that it is happening, it is that much more surprisingly wonderful. Check out Taylor Swift's new song, Begin Again. Couldn't have said it any better.

girl worth having

“Why don’t you tell me that ‘if the girl had been worth having she’d have waited for you’? No, sir, the girl really worth having won’t wait for anybody.”

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

a nice thought

I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. 

-John Green

Happy Valentine's Day!

pic

I hope you are all feeling happy and loved today. Think for a moment about all the people you have loved in life and the people who have loved you. Pretty astounding isn't it?! 

Here are some fun V-day links from around the web:

Tonight I am making gluten free brownies for one of my girlfriends here in grad school. I came across this chocolate gluten free cake recipe that looks pretty yummy. 

Red lipstick is perfect for Valentine's Day

You never know, the love of your life could be right around the corner.

I'm watching the movie Valentine's Day tonight, eating desserts, and drinking wine with some fabulous lady friends. Do you have fun plans?

experience of love

“For most of us, the experience of love, even if it doesn’t work out—perhaps especially when it doesn’t work out—promises that here is one thing that validates, that vindicates life. And though subsequent years might alter this view, until some of us give up on it altogether, when love first strikes there’s nothing like it, is there? Agreed?”

—Julian Barnes, The Sense of an Ending

lucky

I talk about friends a lot. By the ripe age of 26, I feel lucky to have met so many amazing people that I am lucky enough to call friends. I've found some of them in the usual places like school, and others I have found on stage, through failed romances, or during summer camp. Tonight I had the pleasure of dinner with some former colleagues. To just call them colleagues would be the understatement of the year. I have gone to visit work friends twice since I have been back in the DC area for my break. Each time I have left feeling really warm inside. Like my heart is smiling. I miss these people. It's also much more enjoyable to spend time when them when the focus isn't deadlines and meetings, but sharing our lives and how they have transformed, and yet felt comfort in the fact that even as things change, sometimes in the most important ways, we do not. 

In the absence of a big love in my life right now, this friend love has been the thing that makes my heart swell. I saw girls this week that I have known for thirteen years. People move and get jobs and married, but a few days a year we forgot the things that push us physically apart and allow the laughter and past to hold us together. It's nice. It's also good to remember that not all love is romantic, and from what I have seen, the non-romantic love has had some serious staying power. 

Big kisses to the universe for sending wonderful people my way. 

PS- Check out this little gem. Oh you know, just Zooey and Joseph hanging out, playing music. (If anyone knows them, tell them to invite me next time. I am accepting new friends!)

jigsaw puzzle

I used to write about relationships. That came easy to me. I was recently talking to someone who said to me, "One of the things that impresses me is how thoughtful you are. Not in the way where you are running around baking cookies for people all the time, but you look at situations from every angle. You weigh pros and cons. You may not always be perfect, but even in times when you mess up, you seriously consider what you could do to be better next time." 


I was pretty profoundly touched when I heard that. I often feel like all these thoughts I have running around in my head are just there to drive me crazy. But I want to believe that they are like the pieces of a puzzle scattered on a table and I am constantly working to put it together to make a picture that makes sense. 


I know how to be a girlfriend. I can meet parents, cook nice meals, be reliable, and plan romantic events with the best of them. I know how to be single. My life revolves around friends and family. I push myself to go hiking, or running, or throw dinner parties and drink cocktails. I am good at that too. It's the middle ground I am not so good at. Dating makes me feel like the scattered pieces of the puzzle. What are the rules to the game? Do they change as you get older? How do you maintain that cool and confident air about yourself when you just crave someone holding you at night as you fall asleep? Are those things really at odds? Isn't it a human need to be touched and appreciated? 


When I feel unsettled about something my thinking is on overdrive. Against my original plans for this blog, I may start writing more about that thought process. Whether or not I am seriously dating someone, I have always considered the relationships in my life, be it friends, family, or classmates, (and occasionally romantic interest) to be tops. They are the things that occupy the real estate in my brain. Maybe it's just best to accept that. Because who are we without the ones we love? 

not quite perfect

After turning in a giant assignment for school last night, I decided that today, Saturday, I will just do things that I like. I slept in, I went to the gym, I made eggs and waffles for breakfast, and then I read this. I stumbled across the article from Cup of Jo, one of my favorite reads. 


It's a love story. For the past few months I've stayed away from love stories. They still feel too implausible after one day being in love, and the next day having that taken away. But lately, I've started to have a bit of hope. I've been spending time working on myself. Arranging the pieces in my life in a way that is pleasing to me, so that when the time is right I'll be ready. 


Read the article. I don't want to spoil it for you, but I think if you have ever had a crush or an amazing love story that just wasn't quite right, you'll feel this deep in your bones. I know I did. 


With hope, today I go shopping for date clothes. 

my girl tonight

I just saw Jon McLaughlin a few weeks ago and have been listening to his cd Forever If Ever. It's pretty darn great. 

I'm mentioning this because I just realized one of the songs is perfect for a wedding. With my sister's next weekend it just had me in tears. For those of you like Annie, who are planning a wedding, perhaps you may want to add it to your playlist for the night? 

My Girl Tonight lyrics

eat, pray, love

I have a tendency of reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert any time I am going through a major change in my life. I read it for the first time when I moved to Spain when I was 22-years old. Now that I am going through another transition it feels appropriate to pick it up again. I always feel comforted by her words. Because as human beings, I think what we really want is not to feel alone in this world. What better feeling than to sit with someone and think "you get me"? 


Here are some of my favorite Eat, Pray, Love quotes: 

This was my moment to look for the kind of healing and peace that can only come from solitude.

It's for the best. I know it is. I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet to come surprises. 

You've got some serious control issues...You're a powerful woman and you're used to getting what you want out of life and you didn't get what you wanted in your last few relationships and its got you all jammed up. Your husband didn't behave the way you wanted and David didn't either. Life didn't go your way for once. And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not goin' her way.

Do you think any of us know what were doing? Do you think there's any ways humans can love each other without complication?...It's still two human beings trying to get along so its going to become complicated. And love is always complicated. But still humans must try to love each other, darling. We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we tried for something.