hmm

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? -- Celeste and Jesse Forever 

strong

And in the darkest of winters, remember that you will find your invincible summer. 

confusion

Have you ever wanted 2 very different things at the same time? What is it about decisions sometimes that is so hard? Is it that we are at a constant push and pull of what we think we want and what we need? Or balancing the promise of security with the thrill of adventure? How can we ever know what is best without looking into a crystal ball?

People often say to follow your heart. I'm a head thinker, but often it makes it difficult when it comes to matters of the heart. I want lists and pros and cons. I want to consider every possible option and angle. I want to imagine exactly what I might be giving up or gaining when it comes to decisions in my life. Right now I feel like I am standing at the top of the waterfall. The option of jumping makes me tingle all over but who knows what is at the bottom? Is it warm and welcoming and like paradise, or could I end up breaking a leg or scraping a knee to add to my collection of scars? I could also just safely back off the edge, hike back down the mountain and climb into my tent and sleeping bag and probably be no worse or better off. But will I have lived?

I'm glad that I'm an expert orderer when it comes to eating out. I see a menu, know exactly what will satisfy me at that moment and I get it. Thank goodness I don't suffer from indecision in everything in my life-- it would be paralyzing.

Chapel Thrill

I've said it once and I'll say it again. Going to grad school was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Chapel Hill is an amazing and magical place. I can't believe how many wonderful people I continue to meet and bring into my friend circle here, which makes each day sweeter and sweeter.

Tonight I am going to Late Night with Roy to kick off basketball season here in Carolina. It's supposed to be a fun event with the basketball team doing skits and coach Roy Williams pumping up the fans for the season ahead. GO HEELS!

Tonight I put my pj pants on and a big navy blue sweatshirt. I ate dinner, and then went into the kitchen. I filled the red kettle and set it onto the stove. Turned the dial to medium high and walked away. A few minutes later the sound of the whistle started, quiet at first and then louder, signaling that it was time. I pulled the dark blue teapot off the shelf, opened the bag of decaf vanilla loose tea from a little shop here in Chapel Hill, and dropped a spoonful of it into the metal mesh basket inside. The steaming water came next, causing the tea to release its color and flavor. I took out a favorite mug from college, added some sugar and milk to the bottom of it, and when it was time, removed the basket of wet tea leaves. The hot tea poured out into the mug, swirling up the milk and melting the sugar. Yum.

Some may say this is a lot of work, but I like the ritual. I like the simultaneous lack of thinking that goes on as I hum through the steps, as well as the ability to let my mind wander. I also love the result. It's part of self love, after all.